all i've ever done is move from one hurtful situation into another with the hope that something would turn out differently. isn't that the definition of insanity? so there's something seriously screwed up with my psyche

i'm supposed to be fairly intelligent, the evidence on paper suggests that at least. so why the fuck do i let myself get so deeply involved in these situations where i know my emotions, which are the hardest thing for me to control, will go into overdrive and dictate my every non-action or stupid gestures of commitment that only serve to come back and hit me hard.

at the end of the day i can't blame anyone else except myself. the idiot with the extreme case of anhedonia. fuck you adib kosnan. wallow in your self-pity and die..that's the only reasonable exposition of your sad sad life.

it doesn't matter who i miss or who i want. i'll choose the path of most resistance and then absorb the depressing emotions that follow like a sad sponge of stupidity.

so in essence, i don't deserve to be anywhere else with anyone else because of the way i'm wired. wandering for eternity seems to be the most pragmatic option...not that i have a choice, cos i'm me.

fuck me then.