today officially marks my 1st year back at starbucks. 3 more days from my 1st year out of the army.
hindsight makes you incapable sometimes of realising the beauty of a lot of apparently bad decisions or incidents. i am determined to not make that mistake.
you learn from everything - good, bad, happy or plain ridiculous circumstances can always yield some sort of lessons. what i've learnt from this year was :
1. to appreciate love. be it family, your significant other or close friends. their company or thoughts makes things bearable in an otherwise single-minded society.
2. i need to do more theatre. i've let myself be sidetracked by too many things and too many fears. should have just done it.
3. i don't miss the army at all. maybe those free days i had when i was on mc. quite a few of those....yeah, you could say i missed times when i was missing from the army.
its been quite a year. i've felt like i've been stuck in a jam to an unknown destination and when i realised where it led to, i couldn't decide to go straight, turn left or right or turn back. yes yes...this was a year of the cliched crossroad/s.
so as we slowly creep into the end of 2008, i'm gonna spend the last month building up to the new year. savour the last few days of 2008 before the years become a blur of insignificance.
-dib- at 3:09 AM
Friday, November 7, 2008
don't you worry sometimes you've just got let it ride the world is changing right before your eyes
now i've found you there's no more emptiness inside
when we're hungry love will keep us alive
the eagles aka the devil's messengers
-dib- at 4:40 AM
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
the mystery of the golden man.
As he took another drag of his unfiltered cigarette, his mind wandered back to the past. He always knew where he wanted to go even back then. Where he ended up surprised him. Nobody would ever describe his disposition of ever being impulsive except maybe the one or two who were closest to him. Impulse was exactly what brought him to where he stood right now, left foot leaning on the wall, right foot firmly planted on the ground as he took another long, rough drag on his cigarette all the while staring fiercely at nothing in particular.
"If only..." that voice echoed time and time again. He had stopped dismissing it altogether. At least now he only ever indulges it during these times. He actually enjoyed the self-pity that he felt. It was a change from the ruthlessness he had to adopt at work. In a way it reminded him of how naive and full of hope he used to be.
The optimist, that small part of him that refused to grow up, occasionally took over his being. It told him that the ride's not over yet. This wasn't his stop. "Take in the sights and relax a little before you get there," it kept saying again and again seeming a little too eager, almost desperate for him to believe it.
He chuckled. "Are we there yet? Are we ever getting there?" he wanted to ask. It was a hopeless query to an inevitable answer.
He flicked his cigarette on the floor. He sighed and lowered his head, a routine that came to signal the end of his moment of reflection. It was time to get back to work. He put on his coat and straightened his Raffaello tie, took a last longing look at nothing in particular and headed back towards his office. The brief respite from the world of mergers and acquisitions now officially over.
The journey to his el dorado continues, one smoke break at a time.
-dib- at 3:42 AM
Sunday, November 2, 2008
yesterday i imagined ironicity to be a word. very ironic given my penchant for correction.