i miss my grandfather. baboo s/o botha. i now sleep in the room that used to be his and before today i hadn't thought of him for at least a couple of years.
memories. funny how they come and go and evolve from one perspective to another. putting all those aside, i miss him right now. i fear this may just become another one of said insignificant thoughts and that is why i am writing this.
maybe when i'm a little less tired out i'll write more about him, it wouldn't do him justice to do so in this spaced out state.
he taught me the meaning of family
and i miss him.
-dib- at 9:35 PM
Saturday, May 24, 2008
heartbreaker
you probably thinkin i'ma fuckin jerk
-dib- at 1:34 AM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
YEAAAAAAH!!!!!
when i said you broke my heart, i meant it. after last year in milan, i wondered if it would ever happen again.
this is my unashamed apology to the entity that has seen me through these years. from the arrogance of cantona to the earnest and lethal solskjaer who will forever be my united hero, to the doldrums of the djemba-djemba era and finally here with pretty-boy ronaldo. the tears you brought to my eyes tonight varied. from tears of elation to fear. from anger to high-strung anxiousness. from tears of pure heartbreak to those of relief.
thank you. for everything that was hyped up, for all the significance of the 50 years. this win has been one of the few highlights, the ultimate one i should say, for what has been a pretty shitty and confusing time for me. i know it may seem ridiculous to some, the amount of emotion a football club can extract out of me, but that's how i've always felt about this. so thank you man u.
manchester united - champions of europe 2007/2008! you have no idea how much i need this.
-dib- at 6:05 AM
20legend
c'mon you reds...give me the best night of my life again!
i miss solskjaer.
-dib- at 2:22 AM
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
ted mosby
the latest episode (season 3 finale) of how i met your mother, sums up exactly what i've been going through and what i've been trying to say, except for the cliffhanger ending and the moments directly preceding that.
the good guy. noone seems to get that. maybe i'll have a life-changing car accident too and then things will be clearer.
-dib- at 12:14 PM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
happy
the product of my melancholic disposition.
jenny lewis = me happy for 4mins29seconds.
-dib- at 4:11 AM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
stick one in it
check out the meaning of integrity in the dictionary before you dare question mine.
i know you don't abide to the idea of being honest because of your self-absorbed megalomaniac-al view of yourself. you have a lot of growing up to do but from what i've seen and from what i know about your past, i think you're on a lonely path to eternal delusion.
you think i'm playing a game? i owe it to the people above and below me to protect them as much as i can especially against scum like you. go ahead, challenge my word, say what you want about who i am, at the end of the day i know i did the right thing. it was never about how much of an ass i thought you were. irritating you may have been but when you compromise the safety of everyone around you, the same people who've tolerated all your nonsense, the same people who took your feelings into account when you complained to whoever who listened about "not fitting in", that's too much.
good riddance to the little pest with the big ego and imaginary achievements. now everybody can work in peace.
-dib- at 4:30 AM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
out of sight
so many things to update. my blogs before have never been the chronological, journal-like types but i think a change is due cos we're all getting old and it'll be nice to put a date to certain memories.
the video that Kantakaca submitted for the 48hour film competition won best direction. they had the "best of" screening at sinema old school, mount sophia on tuesday, which i unfortunately could not attend cos i was working at TP. very gratifying given the amount of work in the short period of time so kudos to director "cip" rafaat haji hamzah and the whole Kantakaca team, it was an interesting weekend working with you people and i ultimately enjoyed myself.
going back a couple of days, the cousin i'm closest too, aman, left on sunday night for a year-long stint in brunei. NS, nuff said. my family paid him a visit on sat nite and as i contemplated not having a close lepak buddy around for a year i got pretty sad. "lepaking" has taken some sort of a back seat recently, except for the times at thomson plaza, and i haven't seen a few teh tarik bros for awhile, namely johnny and shawal (this one since before i got my pink IC) plus big's gonna be leaving for KL so there'll be a hiatus of conversations over soup kambing and cigarettes. now that aman's not around i have one less chill out partner. its hits home harder cos he is my cousin and also the link to my extended family which i admit i haven't really been putting in effort to connect with. he's leaving behind his parents, his kental sister, ina and his girlfriend so its gonna be hard for him but at least his bank account's gonna be happy.
r&j rehearsals are gonna be kicking into full gear very soon. i'm playing marzuki, the bawean mercutio. mixed feelings about the whole thing but its finally time to get back to working the way i've always worked. watch out for it at esplanade's theatre studio in july.
sidetracking a wee bit (but not too much), i guess i've gotta keep my composure at a higher level than the norm for now. i don't know if its an positive trait or a weakness that i can never hide my dislike for people, not that i try too (maybe that sentence explains itself a little at the end). its plagued me in school, in NS, at work and when i do shows. a bit funny how i can be nice and courteous to customers even when i feel like crap but i can't pretend to be nice with the people i personally know who i'm not very fond of even when i need their assistance sometimes. oh well, c'est qui je suis
and finally, been working closing at TP the past 3 days. two of those with the resident ah beng, Joseph, who's currently going through his shift manager training. the same ah beng who always has something to say in his defense when he makes a boo boo, who always looks out for things to make fun of in other people, is now the super kancheong training shift manager at TP. congratulations are due but revenge is also up in the air..hahaha.
and that is all for today. time to sleep my cares away because i've got no work tmr and no (confirmed) direction in life at this moment in time.
-dib- at 2:48 AM
Friday, May 9, 2008
headache
choose a life. choose a job. choose a girl. choose a school. choose lunch.
sometimes life comes down to the most basic of decisions. so minute that the implications are only felt much later and you could never trace its subtle beginnings. like the time i bumped into my cousin working at starbucks thomson plaza circa 2003. or when i accompanied Im to go to the Hang Tuah auditions that somebody else was so excited about. or when i accompanied anwar to a Titisan Temasek meeting while I was on SIP.
then again, i seem to be able to trace these things back. but i'm weird cos i'm semantics-obssessed.
moral of the story kids - look out for the finer details cos sometimes they'll bring you to the roots of your most treasured memories.