Sunday, April 6, 2008
you're just not here
and so i did it.
either the most stupid decision i've ever made in my life or the most neccessary one at this moment in time. no amount of reflection can make me feel better about this right now. it just makes me bawl my eyes out at the thought of hurting her and letting it go.
i blame myself. the need to be heroic especially during those early days when she got the job. my bravado was submerged by my own naive arrogance of the ability to live without the one i found again. the one who made me feel needed. the one i shared truly the happiest moments of my life til now.
as the bitterness accumulated i could never be the same one she left behind. though i yearn for her to return to the what i think is her rightful place, right here physically beside me, i know it's not gonna happen til its too late. 4 years is too too late.
yes i've waited this long. the painfully simple fact is its just too long.
i'm sorry but i have to do this for myself even if it means knowing you're hurting.
it hurts but it may be the only way.
-dib- at 10:50 PM