Monday, April 21, 2008
this seems to be my only escape nowadays. writing here i mean. funny how i'm only inspired to write when i'm in my more depressing phases of life. that's been a recurrent theme with my old blog and my multiply site. depression is powerful inspiration.
anyway, today marked the first time i worked at thomson plaza since my transfer. i felt at ease, again, for awhile, seeing the familiar faces in the morning, settling into the routine that defined my many many opening shifts there.
i am still surprised at how that place affects me. its a combination of many small pleasant things that actually fuels my enjoyment in my second stint working with this company.
i once asked ari why he joined again and he simply said that he felt his story here hasn't ended. i relate to that but i feel like mine has just begun and its begun with renewed enthusiasm, all because of thomson plaza.
this actually scares a part of me because there were so many things i wanted to do, some of those dreams seem to have shattered right in front of me, but for the professional side of things they're still in reach. i just don't know if i really want them anymore or how much i'm willing to do for them.
my life has been on pause for too long and that's why i've decided to make certain decisions recently. people around me understand and question them but they do so with purely superficial evidence of the whole situation. a situation i got myself into. a situation i honestly feel i can only blame myself for, believe it or not.
that's the reality of the turmoil that has plagued me for the past few months.
at this point in time i think i'm the only one who understands me. sad but comforting in a twisted way. i doubt anyone even understands the meaning of that last sentence but that just serves to cement my point.
smoke it all away, one stick at a time. i'll deal with this, its just a matter of time.
-dib- at 10:47 PM